A Revolution in Shaving Gel: Calling All Men!

[As I was looking through my files I stumbled on a letter I wrote to Clinique a few years back and I feel that it still has relevance today. This is for men only]



Dear Clinique,

I am one of the many pseudo-metro sexual males (although I’m not exactly sure how my sexuality plays any part in the advancement of my personal skin care, particularly the ghastly act of applying a razor to my stubbly face every morning in order to shave off unwanted hair follicles with your wonderful Shaving Gel for Men) who treasures his anti-gravity eye cream, face scrub, moisture surge, and after sun shave balm—to name a few.

Unfortunately, though, there is minor glitch in the way you pack the shave gel. Let me explain: In no scientific manner—for I am a lover, not a mathematician—I have calculated the approximate loss of shaving gel over time and it is absolutely astounding.

For example, every morning I apply one pump-action squirt of shaving gel to my face, and the very next morning, you’ll never believe what has mysteriously escaped the container without any help? Another squirt—Yes! It is unbelievable to me, too. Somehow or another it just seeps out into the cap and forms a hardened aloe crust around the dispenser, which I have to run under hot water and then scrape off every day.



That means, that in all actuality, I am really applying two squirts a day; although, it’s really only one squirt, which means, on average, 30 extra squirts a month, 360 extra squirts a year, 3,600 extra squirts every decade and if I live to be 72 (which in some scientific circles is considered to be the average male life expectancy), that’s 13,680 wasted squirts I have to look forward to over the course of the rest of my life. If, for some reason, I decide to take my lovely wife on a date and wish to shave again that day, you can only imagine how astronomical the numbers might rise—remember, I’m a lover, not a mathematician.

I realize that for the number crunchers this is perhaps a glorious error in engineering, for it forces the consumer to purchase more shaving gel, which in turn I suspect will cause your stock prices to rise, but I am certain your company is one that operates on more than just some fiscal bottom line; call me old fashioned, but I believe that there are a few companies still in existence that believe in the real bottom line: customer satisfaction.

(Why just the other day one of my students was presenting a research paper on animal testing in the makeup industry, and it was hardly a shock when she described Clinque as the “true purveyor of excellence” when it comes to refusing to test on animals. She said high and mighty things like, “Say no to Maybelline!” and “Thank you Clinique for caring!” You would have been quite proud.)

So, do what is right and can only be right: Consider packing your Aloe Shave Gel for Men in a manner that doesn’t shave unnecessary seconds off my life each morning. After all, if I live to be 72, and I spend, let’s say 30 extra seconds every morning having to clean the cap, I will have wasted approximately 9 ½ hours of my life cleaning a cap when I could have been spending time with my lovely wife who got me hooked on your products in the first place.

[I never received a response.]